Doesn't it feel like there's a sprinkling of holiday dust in the air? Suddenly Christmas isn't that far away. (I know this to be true, because I went to Garden City on the weekend and they've already started selling those bulk packs of fundraising Christmas cards.)
Hopefully, some of you will be planning trips overseas, despite our dollar being publicly dacked by other, bigger currencies.
Many of you will also be eagerly anticipating visitors from overseas. But remember, just because we get to stay home, that doesn’t mean we can let our manners lapse.
If our visitors return to their home countries with stories of savagery and ignorance, then foreign relations and the tourism industry will go to pot, and we will have to beg Paul Hogan to come back and appear in some new ad campaigns. (Except he won't, because if he sets foot on Australian soil again the ATO will probably clamp him in leg irons and throw away the key1).
The first couple of days that people spend in a new place will usually set the tone for the rest of the trip. With that in mind, here are some hints for hosts that I have collected, freely drawn (perhaps too freely) from my own experiences as a guest while travelling overseas.
Dear Hosts,
If your guests have been travelling for five or more hours, please do not take them straight from the airport to a restaurant for a nice meal. Your intentions may be good, but they will be knackered and stinky, and secretly worry about their stuff being stolen from the car (which would really put a damper on their holiday).
You may also feel like throwing them a surprise party or barbecue on the day that they arrive. This is also not such a good idea, because it is surprisingly difficult to make polite conversation with lots of new people when it is 3am in your home country. Similarly, a visit to an amusement park is definitely out of the question. (Yep, this has happened to me -- straight to the carnie rides an hour after touchdown. In all the photos I look like I'm thinking, "Please, oh, please let death's sweet kiss take me now.")
Also, be tactful, and do not compare your visitor's home country with Australia in a disparaging way, or ask silly questions. For example, "Nice steak, eh? No mad cow disease here. And it doesn't rain all the time either!" (we do have nice weather and sane cows, but there’s no need to rub it in) or, "Do you have television in <name of visitor’s home country>?". Someone really did ask me this. I replied with, "Nah. Also, we have to wipe our bottoms with fresh leaves because we don't have any toilet paper."
When showing them around your dwelling, do not tell them that cute story about how your cat has taught itself to go potty in the guest toilet.
It would also be really nice if you didn't give your guest a bed that your cats have slept in for the past six months, and then look surprised when you see them the next morning covered with enormous bites from cat fleas and bed bugs.
Oh, and finally, when your guest buys you something to show their appreciation, like, oh, I don’t know, expensive smoked meat from a famous delicatessen, please do not immediately take it out of the packet and feed it to your cat. In front of the guest with the crazy eyes from lack of sleep, who just paid lots of money for expensive smoked meat and is scratching at the flea bites on her arms.
I know most of the actions above come from a place of kindness and generosity (except maybe the cat-related ones*), but please, in the first couple of days, just provide your overseas visitor with a hot shower, somewhere clean to sleep, and a simple home-cooked meal.
They will think you, and Australia, are wonderful.
Love,
Angie
P.S. Does anyone else have any handy tips? Leave them in the comments!
*Before the cat lovers lynch me, I would like to say that I have also had the pleasure of staying with wonderful, clean, thoughtful cat-people and their adorable, sanitised cats. It’s just that that particular stay stands out in my memory, even after 10 years.
1 Stroppy Paul Hogan battles tax office 'bastards'. Robert Lusetich and Susannah Moran, July 05, 2008. Source: The Australian online, at http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,24897,23971495-601,00.html